Patriotism

As a quick look at your calendars will tell you, the fourth of July is almost upon us. And it's really showing. The flags are out in force even more than before, because obviously if my next door neighbours have a flag, and I don't, then that means I want all the American soldiers in Iraq to die and am a bad American.

Apparently, there will be parades, BBQs and fireworks galore on the fourth. And it must be pretty good, because in the City of Evanston you can start 'queueing' for your space to watch the parade three days in advance.

People don't even queue for tickets to Wimbledon for that long.

Sporting Summer

Perhaps there is time for one last posting from the Mysterious Guest Blogger.

I'm back in England now, and one notable difference is that sporting commentary is in English English. Excellent! However, the ESPN coverage is strikingly similar to the Budweiser parody of American commentators, so I'm not missing out on American-style commentary completely.

One thing that is TV channel-invariant is English sporting underachievement. I've just watched Tim Henman get soundly spanked by Roger Federer, 6-4 6-0 6-2. The optimist in me says that England will buck this trend against Portugal on Saturday, but what does everyone else think?

My optimistic prediction is 2-1 England, but more likely we'll go out on penalties (again).

Will she sue?

Today, I got a bus, and an old lady fell over. It really didn't look all that bad, but everyone got very concerned, got the driver to stop, and all that. Then, he got out a load of forms for everyone to fill in, presumably an 'incident report'. But if the old lady was well enough to fill one in herself, surely there's no problem? Is there?

Half-time report

I know Rooney is not far past the teenage-rebellion stage of his life, but I really wish he would tuck his shirt in.

Are you Ghana win?

Poor team USA. For all their trying, they've failed to make it past the first round of the World Cup. You have to pity them. I guess now they're realising what happens when you let other countries enter into supposedly 'world' competitions (c.f. World Series). But then again, I've yet to meet an American who actually cares.

ps. Apologies to Stephen Colbert for stealing his pun. Perhaps you can come up with a better one?

Second

I, the Mysterious Guest Blogger, have just returned from my second visit to the Second City.

For those not in the know, the Second City is Chicago's most celebrated comedy club, responsible in part for launching the careers of such comedy luminaries as Jim Belushi, Dan Akroyd, John Candy, Mike Myers and Bill `Ghostbusting' Murray, among many others.

It was a funny evening.

On a (tangentially) related note, what is Bill Murray's best movie? Suggestions welcome below, and a prize for the right answer.

Bears, mosquitoes and half a dome

And so the travellers return from the far west, having suffered more damage from the smallest of many wilderness dangers. One thing you certainly can't do in England is hike for hours on end whilst gaining 4000 feet in elevation. And it doesn't have scenery like this:

All Wrong

Well, I've barely recovered from the excitement. The Australia fight back to defeat the Japan, with three goals in the last five minutes. Impressive. Unfortunately, their third goal robbed me of my three points in the Mathmocoprophagia, but not to worry. I'll still win.

Anyway, given the displays of athleticism to be found on the telly, it was apt that I experienced a sports-themed BBQ on Sunday. Despite being brought up on British-style BBQs*, where the only exercise to be had is running inside when the rain starts, I was pleasantly surprised. Flexing those sporting muscles** goes unexpectedly well with drinking beer and eating home-made carcinogens.

The range of sports was uncountable, but highlights included dog-assisted badminton, frisbee, American football and `soccer'. The latter provided a low point, as two naive Englishmen who took on the Rest Of The World were repeatedly embarrassed by an American. She had the skills of Ronaldinho, but whatever. It was all wrong.



* I use the plural with caution, and am well aware that the average number of BBQ/year in England is 0.8

** a strained metaphor since they are actually pretty much the same as real muscles. Sue me, as they say here.

Hmmm... randomness

So it turns out that if one predicts the results of the World Cup using a random number generator, one will in general get them wrong.

Comment

Dear Blog,

Yes, it is I, the Mysterious And Exciting Guest Blogger. I cannot reveal my true identity, but for the purposes of this post you should know that I am used to watching football in England, though currently find myself enjoying ABC/ESPN coverage of the World Cup here in the States.

Let's go through the subtle differences and similarities I've noticed so far in the commentary. First, the areas in which US commentary has fallen short:

(1) Pronouncing `Paraguay', `Parag-way'. Just wrong.

(2) Saying that Steven Gerrard's yellow card was justified. Even taking pleasure in saying it. Two problems with this, one that they were simply incorrect in this instance, and two that England players never deserve yellow cards. The BBC understands this kind of situation much better.

(3) Mistaking England for Germany. Usually a definite no-no in English commentary. The kind of mistake Motson would disembowel his co-commentator for. The kind of mistake not even Ron Atkinson would make. `Nuff said.

On the plus side, there are some reassuring similarities:

(1) Always calling Peter Crouch `The Big Man' or `Long-striding'. Excellent. The killer comment was: "it's ironic that a man who stands 6'7'' is called `Crouch'". Mottie would be proud.

(2) Producing the factoids: "this goal-keeper substitution is the earliest in World Cup history" and "this match is the first match ever in the World Cup to finish 1-0 decided by an own-goal". Truly fascinating, and makes me wonder if they've hired Statto.

As the mathmocoprophagiacs amongst you will have noticed, there are more flaws than plus-points so far. Perhaps it'll improve---I'll be keeping you posted.

Soccer!

I was pleased, and suprised, to notice that ESPN are going to be showing every one of the World Cup matches on American TV (and the first England match will be on the network channel ABC, because we're special). However, I really wish they'd get the rules right. A quick (ha!) check of the official regulations on the FIFA site shows that in actuality, the whole group goal difference counts above head-to-head results. Amateurs.

As an aside, for the next couple of weeks, I'll be having a guest blogger... should he think of anything to say, that is.

Maximum strength

I had to take a trip to the pharmacist recently because I seem to be reacting badly to some nasty insect bites, and was in dire need of some antihistamine. I was struck by how much the products try to sell themselves on the strength of their ingredients, and how inaccurate the labelling actually is. For instance, the cream I have bought professes to be 'maximum strength', but yet has only 2% of the active ingredient. Surely 'maximum' means '100%'? What they should really say is 'maximum strength as allowed by the FDA for this particular product'. And why would I want maximum strength anyway? Is it always going to be a good thing?

It is also interesting to note how branded products cost almost twice as much for exactly the same ingredients. Instead of Claritin, I bought Wal-itin, the same drug for half the price but a slightly less brightly coloured box.

Dog in wetsuit

What more can I say? If you want it, you can get it somewhere...